1- Duke Kahanamoku.
2- Michael Vick is not associated with surfing in any way.
3- A surfer will never need to masquerade as a college student just to break into the pros.
4- All the steroids in the world wouldn’t make someone a better surfer. Neco Padaratz proved that.
5- Bud Selig is not associated with surfing in any way.
6- After a surfing contest final, you can usually shake hands with the winner.
7- If a surfer were to fall and break a leg during a contest, he or she wouldn’t have to be shot.
8- Viagra doesn’t sponsor any surfers. Yet.
9- There’s never a bad seat at the beach.
10- Bells Beach, Snapper Rocks, Jeffreys Bay, Steamer Lane, Cloud Break, Teahupoo, Trestles, and the North Shore of Oahu are better places than Houston, Baltimore, Cleveland, Dallas, Detroit, Kansas City, Minneapolis, and Orlando pretty much any day of the year.
11- No Astroturf. Ever.
12- Mark Twain and Jack London surfed.
13- Australian surfer girls have sexy accents. Canadian hockey players do not.
14- Don King is not associated with surfing in any way.
15- Surfing: 85 degrees with you and your friends in the morning lineup. Football: a felony charge and your face in a police lineup.
16- Kelly Slater and Layne Beachley.
17- No beer lines.
18- Eddie Aikau.
19- Lisa Andersen.
20- The 1995 Pipeline Masters.
21- Tom Carroll and Tom Curren.
22- In other pro sports, a stadium is obsolete and broken down after 30 years. In surfing, a good spot may have taken a thousand years to form and might be good for another thousand.
23- Surfers will never threaten to move if taxpayers don’t build them a new beach.
24- The NFL, NBA, Major League Baseball, and other sports are loaded with spoiled, narcissistic millionaires who live in a world unto themselves. Eddie Aikau died trying to save people.
25- No half-time shows.
26- Greg Long.
27- Gerry Lopez.
28- Pauline Menczer.
29- Hobie Alter.
30- Surfing’s Walk of Fame and Hall of Fame in Huntington Beach is right off the ocean. The NFL Hall of Fame is in Canton, Ohio, right off the freeway.
31- Taxpayers pay for stadiums named by crass corporations. God built surf spots. You get to name them. And you get to surf at them.
32- Bud Browne and Bruce Brown.
33- The North Shore of Oahu.
34- Doc Ball surfed into his 90s. Most athletes, especially football players have a career of five years.
35- Tom Blake.
36- The Dairyland Surf Classic.
37- Ted Williams, while being the greatest hitter in baseball history and an American hero, said hitting a major-league fastball was the most difficult thing in professional sports. No. Riding a piece of foam and fiberglass in the roaring mouth of a 25-foot aqua-blue beast at Teahupoo, with razor sharp coral just inches below the surface, and wearing nothing more than a pair of trunks (or even a bikini) and maybe a rash guard is THE hardest thing to do in professional sports.
38- Maverick’s.
39- Surfing hasn’t changed much since the invention of the foam and fiberglass board 60 years ago. In the same time, football is almost unrecognizable.
40- The only positive thing about hurricanes: hurricane swell.
41- There is no off season for surfing.
42- Surfing can be done in the coldest, most miserable weather imaginable too. New England and Great Lakes surfers prove that every winter.
43- The sound of Occy’s laugh.
44- Shaun Tomson.
45- Despite the 1986 OP Pro, fans routinely riot after World Cups, Superbowls, NBA and NHL Finals. After a major surfing event, a lot of people go out for another surf.
46- Sofia Mulanovich.
47- A kid could grow up surfing in front of his house without ever breaking a neighbor’s window.
48- Robert August.
49- Surfing with a dolphin.
50- Surf camps are run not only to help disabled and impoverished kids, they’ve brought white and black South Africans and Catholic and Protestant Irish kids together.
51- Waimea Bay.
52- It’s more dangerous to play one season of high school football than to surf 20 years at a spot where sharks are sited.
53- Rob Machado.
54- Greg Noll.
55- The only way you can afford to take your family to an NBA, NHL, NFL, or Major League Baseball game is to own a corporation or take out a second mortgage on your house.
56- Listening to Greg Noll tell a story.
57- Great Lakes surfers will drive 100 miles in horrible weather to find a decent spot to surf for a day. IN horrible weather. Nobody ever did that for a golf course.
58- One positive thing about the Vietnam War: good surfing.
59- Jay Moriarty.
60- George Steinbrenner is not associated with surfing in any way.
61- Kennesaw Mountain Landis is not associated with surfing in any way.
62- Scott Boras is not associated with surfing in any way. Yet.
63- Your secret spot.
64- No one in surfing will ever be stupid enough to legally change their last name to “Ocho Cinco.” No one.
65- Leroy Grannis, Art Brewer, Jeff Divine, Tom Servais, Aaron Chang, and Larry “Flame” Moore.
66- U.S. Open of Surfing: bikini bodies as far as the eye can see. NASCAR: rednecks as far as the eye can see.
67- Most of the time, wiping out is still more fun than getting punched in the face, tackled by a lineman, hit by a fastball, or crashing into a concrete wall.
68- Surfing contests are never held in Las Vegas.
69- Surfboard shaping is an art performed individually by shapers who not only cater to the exact specifications of surfers and locations, but who often form lasting friendships with their customers to help improve their surfing and thus, their stoke. Ever met anybody who makes basketballs?
70- Even your grandpa looks cooler in a pair of boardshorts than anyone ever will in golf pants.
71-Most pro football and basketball players are freaks. Most pro surfers are athletic, but normal-looking human beings.
72- Wetsuits and rash guards are slimming.
73- All basketball courts, football fields, boxing rings, and hockey rinks are identical. Every surf spot on the planet is unique.
74- Much of the modern sports world is lost in statistics. Competitive surfing has hardly any at all.
75- You’ll never have to tap into your 401(k) to buy season tickets to see your local surfers.
76- No corporate suites.
77- The 2009 U.S. Open of Surfing.
78- Announcers will never demand a whole beach be quiet. And they’ll never do it just so you can hear surfers grunt.
79- Watching a surfer fly off a wave is exciting. Watching a race car fly off the track is tragic.
80- Surfing makes you think of summer. Even if you’re watching a webcast of the Pipeline Masters while decorating your house for Christmas. In Finland.
81- Crime statistics prove that violent crime goes up after people watch a major boxing match. When you watch a surf contest, you just want to go out and surf.
82- No designated hitter. Ever.
83- The equivalent of kicking a field goal in surfing would be just paddling out.
84- Nobody except the inbred ever go out for a morning fight with friends. Not even in Hawaii.
85- People don’t have to be kicked out of their homes and neighborhoods to build a surf spot.
86- The 2008 Maverick’s Surf Contest final.
87- Hearing a Bob Marley song for the 500th time at a surf contest is still better than having to hear “Welcome to the Jungle,” “Rock ‘n’ Roll, Part 2″ or the drum/clap opening of “We Will Rock You” one more time.
88- Rell Sunn.
89- Surfing gives Australia the chance to rule the world for a change.
90- At the better spots, there’s always a chance you’ll surf along side pros, including some of the best in surfing history. There’s zero chance Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson or Larry Bird will join your pickup game.
91- You’ll never have to join a country club to surf a good spot.
92- Rich Harbour, Dale Velzy, “Flippy” and Walter Hoffman.
93- Whitey Harrison.
94- Basketball was born in a P.E. class. Surfing was born in Hawaii.
95- “The Endless Summer,” “Five Summer Stories” and “Riding Giants.”
96- Surfing is the only athletic activity that has spawned an entire genre of music.
97- Old surfers get skin cancer, but old football players and boxers get Alzheimer’s.
98- O.J. Simpson, Pete Rose, Ty Cobb, Barry Bonds, Bobby Knight, Albert Belle, John Rocker, Mike Tyson, Pacman Jones, Kobe Bryant, Terrell Owens, Bobby Fischer, Randy Moss, John Daly, Latrell Sprewell, Tonya Harding, Diego Maradona, Ray Lewis, Marion Jones, Jayson Williams, Floyd Landis, Roger Clemons, and Dennis Rodman are not associated with surfing in any way.
99- Surfing is essentially an athletic and creative reaction to the natural tidal flow and weather patterns on planet Earth. Football, basketball, hockey, auto racing, wrestling, rugby, boxing, and soccer are reminders of war, riots, traffic jams, Roman bloodsport, and the fight for survival.
100-Surfing is a way of life. Aloha.
