The only thing I hate more than SUPs is the name "SUP." Say it to yourself: "esss…eyew…peee…" See? It sounds stupid. It's an acronym, not a name, and since it's not a piece of military or computer hardware it should have a real name, not just letters.
From now on call it what it is: an "OAR BOARD!" This is why we've got "knee boards" instead of "KDBs" ("kneel down boards") and "body boards" instead of "LOBs" ("lay on boards"). It's also why we have "bikes" instead of "BOARs" ("balance on and ride").
Don't resist - you know it's true! Start calling 'em "OAR BOARDs" right now. Say it out loud! Use it in an email or a chat window! Go for it before this thing loses momentum and we're stuck calling them "SUPs" for eternity!
To you utopians and wishful thinkers out there I am sorry but these monstrosities are here to stay. All we poor victims can do is diminish the insulting nature of "SUPs" - sorry, OAR BOARDS - in our lineups by reclaiming the name.
Distribute this message as widely as you can to all appropriate channels. We might not be able to change the world, but at least we can change this. Unite against the floating menace!
And the best thing about it is that it sounds perfectly, fittingly, stupid, just like OAR BOARDS themselves!
Everybody together now: OAR BOARDs!
