Here's a partial list. The blanks are meant to be filled in. FIRE AT WILL.
10) Strokereporters secretly contemplate Gunness Book of World Records attempt at Biggest Collective Orgasm every time Alana Blanchard pics are posted
9) [fill in the blank]
8) [fill in the blank]
7) Chris Wilson becomes honorary member of the Santa Cruz meth crew
6) [fill in the blank]
5) Mark Cutback Johnson sells surfboards, moves to NYC, comes slinking back with his tail between his legs
4) [fill in the blank]
3) lkilpatrick rides 6 times overhead wave at Location Turtle
2) duckdive moves to NYC, waiting for him to come slinking back with his tail between his legs
1) (drumroll . . . . . . . . ) PISS-SHIVER LOSES HIS VIRGINITY!!