Picture the worst tourists you know. The worst.
Are they just an eyesore? Innocuous, but kind of revolting, too: a pasty quartet of ginger-bred Griswolds begging for second-degree sunburn. Barking in Minnesotan over the last slab of saltwater taffy. Junior’s crying… because he’s got diarrhea and his family is ugly.
Are they slow? Slow in traffic mostly, but also slow at the ATM. Slow in the checkout line. Slow at noticing that rip current is sweeping the kids out to sea. Slow at ordering, consuming, paying for and leaving their meal.
Are they confused? Confused with how an automobile works, why the stoplights have three different colors and what is the meaning behind those cryptic road signs. Confused by the navigational conundrum that is a barrier island with only two true roads. Confused by sand, and why they’re stuck in it.